Yes, it is really easy to brag about our trust in You but, when it comes to the suffering of our loved ones? We cave in and do the unthinkable, we step in Your place. O forgive me, O my Father—O Father of mine? Let that be the last time for me to take matters into my own hands. Once again, I repent. Let not my repentance be a lip repentance. Let the sorrow in my being reach Your heart. Set me free from this wickedness in me. Psalms 51 comes into play once again. With King David I emphasize my plea.
Psalms 51:1-19 Have mercy upon me, O my Master—my Beloved Yahuwah/Yahushua, according to Your steadfast love; according to the multitude of Your tender mercy and loving-kindness blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly and repeatedly from my iniquity and guilt and cleanse me and make me wholly pure from my sin!
For I am conscious of my transgressions and I acknowledge them; my sin is ever before me. Against You, You only, have I sinned and done that which is evil in Your sight, so that You are justified in Your sentence and faultless in Your judgment.
Behold, I was brought forth in a state of iniquity; my mother was sinful who conceived me and I too am sinful. Behold, You desire truth in the inner being; make me therefore to know wisdom in my inmost heart. Purify me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall in reality be whiter than snow.
Make me to hear joy and gladness and be satisfied; let the bones which You have broken rejoice. Hide Your face from my sins and blot out all my guilt and iniquities.
Create in me a clean heart, O my Master—my Beloved Yahuwah/ Yahushua, and renew a right, persevering, and steadfast spirit within me. Cast me not away from Your Presence and take not Your Set Apart Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Your deliverance and uphold me with a willing spirit.
Then will I teach transgressors Your ways, and sinners shall be converted and return to You. Deliver me from blood-guiltiness and death, O my Master—my Beloved Yahuwah/Yahushua, the Almighty of my deliverance, and my tongue shall sing aloud of Your righteousness—Your rightness and Your justice.
O my Master—my Beloved Yahuwah/Yahushua, open my lips, and my mouth shall show forth Your praise. For You delight not in sacrifice, or else would I give it; You find no pleasure in burnt offering.
My sacrifice, the sacrifice acceptable to You O my Master—my Beloved Yahuwah/ Yahushua is a broken spirit; a broken and a contrite heart broken down with sorrow for sin and humbly and thoroughly penitent, such, O my Master—my Beloved Yahuwah/Yahushua, You will not despise.
Do good in Your good pleasure to Zion; rebuild the walls of Jerusalem. Then will You delight in the sacrifices of righteousness, justice, and right, with burnt offering and whole burnt offering; then bullocks will be offered upon Your altar.
I now see and understand …the whole issue of our doings is first of all, between You and each one of us individually! …The first and most important command!
I also see that, most of my life I strived along with all of my peers, to keep the second command ahead of the first never realizing the severity of our sin. WOW! So that’s the lesson I am to learn with all of this. I wait on You, O my Father—O Father of mine? I wait on You to manifest Your forgivingness of my sin.