Whenever adversity comes my way is like the most important thing in the whole world. My ‘egoic’ nature goes into high controlling gear—ATTENTION! Mind MY PROBLEM or get out of my sight! Anger. Lack of consideration for anyone. Violence personify gets a hold of my soul! Then? Remorse. I am sorry. Really? Nay! I am not sorry! I am cold! I am miserable! An you, you, you!!! You just don’t care! You? O my Father—O Father of mine? You remain unchanged. You don’t care? Is that so?
Tuesday, December 27, 2016 at 2:15 am
O my Father—O Father of mine? But how You expose my wicked carnal self! Am I genuine? How can I be genuine and yet relish in likes and hoping to get the coveted attention all human beings sell their souls to obtain? That’s the question I must answer before is too late. That’s the question I must answer to start a solid walk by the Set-Apart Spirit of the Father/Creator. Once again I must answer it.
“I thought to be genuine but! Now I see my pitiful assumption in the Light of Your Presence. My shrilling cry goes up. Against You and You alone that insidious carnal thing within me stealthily seeks to set man in the throne of my heart. Have mercy on me! Psalms 51 comes into play once again. With King David I emphasize my plea.
Have mercy upon me, O my Master—my Beloved Yahuwah/Yahushua, according to Your steadfast love; according to the multitude of Your tender mercy and loving-kindness blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly and repeatedly from my iniquity and guilt and cleanse me and make me wholly pure from my sin!
For I am conscious of my transgressions and I acknowledge them; my sin is ever before me. Against You, You only, have I sinned and done that which is evil in Your sight, so that You are justified in Your sentence and faultless in Your judgment.
Behold, I was brought forth in a state of iniquity; my mother was sinful who conceived me and I too am sinful. Behold, You desire truth in the inner being; make me therefore to know wisdom in my inmost heart. Purify me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall in reality be whiter than snow.
Make me to hear joy and gladness and be satisfied; let the bones which You have broken rejoice. Hide Your face from my sins and blot out all my guilt and iniquities.