When I began to receive Yedidah’s Newsletter, unconsciously, I began to depend on Yedidah’s letters for confirmation of whatever the Spirit was giving to me at any given time.
It was uncanny. People began to think of me as ‘copying’ Yedidah’s letters and pretending to be Yedidah. I did not know that. I was just delighted to have a kindred spirit! In my enthusiasm I thought Yedidah was really interested in me. Until…
The time came for my arrival at Jerusalem under her tutelage. She promised to perhaps meet at the Sukot festival. I was in heaven! So eager for the day to meet this amazing personality in person. O man! What a BIG balloon I had inflated.
The Sukot festival arrived. I was staying in BeiJala next to Bethlehem. The day of her arrival in Jerusalem came. I immediately emailed her. I waited with baited breath for her reply. O man! I still remember my shock!
“There is nothing wrong with your theology. You are just self-centered! I don’t have time to meet with you…”
If a dagger would have penetrated the depth of my flesh and bones ten thousand times it would have been less painful than such cruel, heartless sentence! What on earth had I done to deserve such?
I turned off the computer. I threw myself on the bed. I exclaimed, “I quit! I never want to write one single word anymore! I want out of this wagon!”
Most especial Sabbath…
Saturday, October 03, 2009 (1:21am).
The sting of the shock ceased. The silence of the moment permeated the room. I heard,
“My Thia, My beloved, open the door of your chamber for I am knocking. I come to take you higher up to My Mountain to be alone with Me.”
Master, my door is open or is it not? Give me the eyes to see the door of my heart and the ability to open it wide to You.