My wantings and demands for one thing or the other has caused much harm in the relationship not only with Ahmad but also with my own children. What is the use get emotionally sorry about it? But! Instead of emotional outbursts, letting You cleanse my body and soul is what You require. How can I let You do the cleansing, my Father? Your words in Isaiah 1:2-20 come to mind,
…. Why should you be stricken and punished any more since it brings no correction? You will revolt more and more. The whole head is sick, and the whole heart is faint (feeble, sick, and nauseated). From the sole of the foot even to the head there is no soundness or health in the nation’s body—but wounds and bruises and fresh and bleeding stripes; they have not been pressed out and closed up or bound up or softened with oil. No one has troubled to seek a remedy.
O my Father! I hear You speaking to me personally. Not to the nation, not to Ahmad or any human being amidst, but! To me. I am the guilty one. I keep regressing to my carnal ways despite all the work You have done within my being, but! You know it. So, why do You let me regress?
“Do you really regress, My child? If it was so, would you bypass those words and apply them to somebody else other than yourself? Pause. Reflect. O thiaBasilia—O child of My heart? Continue with your reading.
Because of your detestable disobedience your country lies desolate, your cities are burned with fire; your land—strangers devour it in your very presence, and it is desolate, as overthrown by aliens. And the Daughter of Tsiyon—Yerushalayim is left like a deserted booth in a vineyard, like a lodge in a garden of cucumbers, like a besieged city spared, but in the midst of desolation. Except Yahuweh your Almighty Creator of hosts had left us a very small remnant of survivors, we should have been like Sodom, and we should have been like Gomorrah.
O thiaBasilia—O child of My heart? Take what you are reading as a confirmation of where you are coming from. Understand the reason for your weeping. Go on.
Hear O Yerushalayim the word of Yahuweh your Almighty Creator, you rulers or judges of another Sodom! Give ear to the law and the teaching of our Maker, you people of another Gomorrah! To what purpose is the multitude of your sacrifices to Me unless they are the offering of the heart? says Yahuweh your Almighty Creator. I have had enough of the burnt offerings of rams and the fat of fed beasts without obedience; and I do not delight in the blood of bulls or of lambs or of he-goats without righteousness.
