Oh! Oh! Oh! What am I hearing while I wrote the above reasoning in my mind? What do I hear? Do I hear my bickering and Your dislike of my lack of trust in You? Most definitely. Discontentment with my present living conditions. Perhaps this is at the core of it all. Deliver me! O my Beloved Father! Make haste! Set me free!
Psalms 139:17-24 How precious and weighty also are Your thoughts to me, O my Father—O Father of mine! How vast is the sum of them! If I could count them, they would be more in number than the sand. When I awoke, could I count to the end I would still be with You.
If You would only slay the wicked, that wicked self in me, O my Father—O Father of mine, and the men of blood, the devil himself along all his cohorts depart from me. They speak against You wickedly, Your enemies who take Your name in vain! Do I not hate them and loathe that wicked carnal-self in me, O Master, who hate You? And am I not grieved and do I not loathe those who rise up against You? I hate them with perfect hatred; they have become my enemies.
Search me thoroughly, O my Father—O Father of mine, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there is any wicked or hurtful way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
O my Father—O Father of mine, You have instructed me. Those words are applied to my own self as it should be. Now I wait for Your answer. Now I hope for these cravings of mine to stop. For the wicked voices clamoring on past caustic words spitted on my face to fade away leaving no trace. Now I wait with baited breath for Your deliverance. I refuse to take matters into my own hands. Unless You do the work of deliverance? It is of no use for me to work. I wait on You.