Have been doing OK with it all but! When the heater ran out of gas. I lost it! Unworthy suspicions about Your faithfulness returned. I ranted and raved in panic because I lost track whether the gas was on or off. I feared to cause a fire.
In fear I called Ahmad. He came. At his sight? I wept! He connected the other gas container in the heater. He turned on the heater. Gave me some instructions. He left.
Me? After my weeping ceased, Your wisdom took over. I turned off the heater. There is not much gas in that tank. It came to me to only turn it on when extremely cold.
Ahmad called. I tried to share my heart with him about the waiting on You to take care of us, but! Ahmad’s ears are still shut! He cannot hear me. On Your time? You will open those ears.
Commitment To Obey The Father/Creator Of My Being….
In the meantime? It came to me to write a letter to my friend who oversees my Bank Account.
O my Father! That letter is a letter of my commitment to obey You at any cost to my carnal life. Quote,
Hello my friend,
I writing to tell you I am not going to get any extra money out because the month coming up I must pay for SiteGround. I need to save any extras for that purpose.
…..I have decided once again not to ask for help at all. If I don’t have whatever? I’ll do without.
From here on out I will stick by what Father commands me, that is to wait, to sit still, to write and publish. He will do the rest.
He has been telling me that for the longest. I have disobeyed and paid the consequences. No more. I have suffered and I’m still suffering on account of my disobedience.