Chapter 2 To Continue The Saga Of The Mother In The Family—A True Story.
In that mental ward? I heard: “My People Perishes For Lack Of Knowledge or Understanding Of My Ways. You are here to learn. In the future your experience shall avail many.”
In Retrospect? My Parents Were Moral, Religious People ….
My parents were moral and religious people, with good intentions, and high moral standards. And they did love us.
Nevertheless, I will make the following statements based on what the Spirit of the Father/Creator has revealed to me in my latter days.
Explosive Revelation! My People Perishes For Lack Of Understanding Of My Ways….?
It was towards the end of 1985. I had suffered a total mental breakdown for the second time. Shivering and Clad with a blanket a kind worker had placed of my shoulders? I paced the mental ward in a public hospital in New Orleans, LA.
Shivering I paced along many others, some of them holding on to opened Bibles. Chanting. Smoking. Even cursing I watched, strangely? Undisturbed. It was then when I heard:
My People Perishes For Lack Of Knowledge or Understanding Of My Ways. You are here to learn. In the future your experience shall avail many.
That all happened some 33 years ago, and? As I am editing this chapter from my Autobiography, My Teacher reminds me of that incident to prick your interest on how things are developing since that time.
Lack Of Knowledge Of The Almighty’s Word….?
My parents were somehow confused about the Almighty’s Word. They were not totally ignorant about the Almighty’s Word, for they were Catholic Christians and they knew the basics of the Christian faith, but!
They were ignorant of the Truth of the Almighty’s Word. They were not totally ignorant people, for they had a certain amount of formal education.
In fact, my father, I understand, did speak English. Although, as I recollect very distinctively how one of his sons, Miguelito, who spoke English quite well, used to kid about papa’s English.
For myself? I couldn’t have told you whether my father did or did not spoke English, because?
Well, because I hadn’t had the foggiest idea about any other languages at the time. I was quite enchanted with my own language to worry about English or anything else, even to worry about my father’s education or linguistic ability.
The point being that my people were not ignorant people. Perhaps un-educated, yes. But, what good education would have done?
The Ignorance Of The Truth In The Almighty’s Word? The Cause And Effect Of Mine And This Insanity Ridden World….
It was not ignorance of the Almighty, or lack of goodly ways either, for I grew up in a goodly and moral environment, more so than the modern environment of this day and age.
I remember one time, I shall never forget it. My grandmother taught us to pray. We used to have prayer meetings often.
It was hard to pray because we had to kneel in the dirt floor for a long time and go through the whole “rosary”. (The rosary beads prayer).
On top of that? My grandmother did not know the exact format to pray the rosary. So, they, the grown-ups had to keep saying back and forth “no, not that way, we forgot to say this or that, let’s start over again from ….”
Oh man! Poor old kiddos with the knees on that dirt! So, when I went away “into the wide world yonder” of the little country town nearest to my father’s land, to “Boarding School” in pursuit of an education, when I came home for break?
I was most enthusiastic about bringing my grandmother the “educated way of prayer.” My grandmother listened carefully and with a kind but firm tone of voice she said something to the effect,
“That’s very good, I am very glad that you have learned, and now that you know how to pray, would you go ahead and pray, my dear daughter?”
For goodness’s sake! I wasn’t the one interested in praying. All I wanted was to teach her the format of the rosary so that I wouldn’t have to pray for such a long time, but!
It was a hopeless situation, she was too far gone to the judgment of a 10-year-old’s evaluation of her education. To my judgment? She couldn’t be educated nor convinced to make things a little easier for us children.
So, I quit giving instructions to my grandmother right there and then, I wasn’t dumb, I knew her meaning.
So, it was not ignorance of the Almighty. For my grandmother was a righteous woman. But she got set in her idea of the Almighty concerning discipline because, she didn’t know the Truth of the the Almighty’s Word.
Ignorance. Rebellion? A Pair To Follow Me Most Of My Life.
The conflict became even more severe as I grew older, because I, also, grew up ignorant.
- Ignorant of The Almighty’s Word.
- Driven by the spirit of rebellion.
- Rebellion? Ingrained in the human being at birth.
- Rebellion imbedded in our human nature
- Imbedded in me. Adequately nurtured with the poison of rejection/fear.
- Producing the emotional wounds from my early childhood’s sufferings.
I knew why my grandmother was so mean and distrustful of me. Why she would punish me so severely? Several reasons:
- She had taught me about moral values and good behavior, but!
- Though I wanted to live up to what my grandmother had taught me? I failed miserably to do so.
- Yes, I knew in my heart it was the right way to live, even so?
- I was not able to live up to those standards.
- I kept falling short of her expectations.
- That is why grandmother would punish me.
- That’s what I knew.
What I Didn’t Know Was That All Human Beings Have The Same Passions And Problems.
I didn’t know that we are all born with the spirit of rebellion imbedded in our natures, without the ability to be good. Despite the many considered ‘good’ by this world’s standards.
Therefore, when I failed to live up to the standards that I was expected to live as I was growing up, I felt that I was the only one to be so bad.
I felt that I was the most wicked person in the whole world because I kept falling short not only from what grandmother had taught me but also from what it seemed to be the standards of every grown up that became involved in my life as I was growing up.
I kept falling short even from what I knew in my heart to be the right way of living, my own standards.
Emotionally Disturbed? Yes, According To The Jargon Of The Psychiatrist’s World. Actually….?
Whence, I grew up emotionally disturbed, according to the jargon of the Psychiatrist’s World; actually, the truth of the matter?
The spirit of rebellion imbedded in my nature gave way to many other evils that were to assail me during long periods of my life.
No one human had been able to deliver me ….
For better than 20 years I had undergone treatment for mental health, and even though I had received excellent treatment from many outstanding psychiatrists and mental health caretakers?
Not a single one had been able to free me from the bondage of what they called “emotional disturbance” or “emotional disability.” But!
The Truth of the Almighty’s Word did set me free permanently and forever in a matter of a moment.
What is that Truth to deliver me?
The truth of our dual existence with two natures—the nature of our Almighty Creator and the nature of our birth into this world under the dominion of Satan for the time being.
That’s The Truth That Set Me Free….
Now? I am free indeed, to the glory and the honor only of the Almighty Father Creator of the Universe and all there in including us human beings.
The Purpose For My Story….?
And to testify about that Truth that set me free, is the purpose of this story, the story of my life.
Evil spirits rooted in the strong man of self-condemnation, self-rejection, self-pity and many cavorting demons tightened a grip on my soul that drove me to lose my mind in two occasions in my life, but!
That’s the darkness I had to come across to appreciate the magnificent Light emanating from the Presence of the Father/Creator within my being. In Him there is no darkness.
And That’s To Be The Subject For The Next Chapter In This Unique Saga.
Meantime and until the next post? His love in my heart for you and for all stays there to stay for eternity, thiaBasilia.
