I remember one time, I shall never forget it. My grandmother taught us to pray. We used to have prayer meetings often.
It was hard to pray because we had to kneel in the dirt floor for a long time and go through the whole “rosary”. (The rosary beads prayer).
On top of that? My grandmother did not know the exact format to pray the rosary. So, they, the grown-ups had to keep saying back and forth “no, not that way, we forgot to say this or that, let’s start over again from ….”
Oh man! Poor old kiddos with the knees on that dirt! So, when I went away “into the wide world yonder” of the little country town nearest to my father’s land, to “Boarding School” in pursuit of an education, when I came home for break?
I was most enthusiastic about bringing my grandmother the “educated way of prayer.” My grandmother listened carefully and with a kind but firm tone of voice she said something to the effect,
“That’s very good, I am very glad that you have learned, and now that you know how to pray, would you go ahead and pray, my dear daughter?”
For goodness’s sake! I wasn’t the one interested in praying. All I wanted was to teach her the format of the rosary so that I wouldn’t have to pray for such a long time, but!
It was a hopeless situation, she was too far gone to the judgment of a 10-year-old’s evaluation of her education. To my judgment? She couldn’t be educated nor convinced to make things a little easier for us children.
So, I quit giving instructions to my grandmother right there and then, I wasn’t dumb, I knew her meaning.
So, it was not ignorance of the Almighty. For my grandmother was a righteous woman. But she got set in her idea of the Almighty concerning discipline because, she didn’t know the Truth of the the Almighty’s Word.
Ignorance. Rebellion? A Pair To Follow Me Most Of My Life.
The conflict became even more severe as I grew older, because I, also, grew up ignorant.
- Ignorant of The Almighty’s Word.
- Driven by the spirit of rebellion.
- Rebellion? Ingrained in the human being at birth.
- Rebellion imbedded in our human nature
- Imbedded in me. Adequately nurtured with the poison of rejection/fear.
- Producing the emotional wounds from my early childhood’s sufferings.
I knew why my grandmother was so mean and distrustful of me. Why she would punish me so severely? Several reasons:
- She had taught me about moral values and good behavior, but!
- Though I wanted to live up to what my grandmother had taught me? I failed miserably to do so.
- Yes, I knew in my heart it was the right way to live, even so?
- I was not able to live up to those standards.
- I kept falling short of her expectations.
- That is why grandmother would punish me.
- That’s what I knew.
What I Didn’t Know Was That All Human Beings Have The Same Passions And Problems.
I didn’t know that we are all born with the spirit of rebellion imbedded in our natures, without the ability to be good. Despite the many considered ‘good’ by this world’s standards.